A Dilettante :: Writer

I may not be there yet, but the journey has begun!



You told me you see fear
Fear in my eyes
Pity, its fear you see
For courage it holds
Courage it holds

I know you say,
I deny my fears
No, my dear
For you never will know
I fight my fears
My own little way

Courage, oh dear
Isn’t a trait
It is a choice
The one that you make
When the choice is none

A chapter in my life,
is all that you know
The pages in my book,
have stories to tell
Judge, you may
For a chapter is all
that you have read

Cold, did you call?
Know you must, I say
There was a heart
which once felt too much
Warm, it isn’t
For courage it takes
to feel as much
And feel it does

Proud, am I?
Know you must, I say
There was a child
that once felt no worth
Haughty, ain’t me
For courage it takes
to prove yourself
And prove I did

Withdrawn, did you mean?
Know you must, I say
There was a time
when a shell was home
Extroverted, ain’t me
For courage it takes
to break the shell
And break I did

Haven’t you noticed,
I proclaim my fears
I give it my all
And fight them each day
A battle my own
None but my own

Courage, oh dear
Isn’t a trait
It is a choice
The one that you make
When the choice is none
When the choice is none!


One day at a time!

I often wonder, why the world insists on a due date to make yourself alright? Oh, for how long will you stay stuck? Many have it worse. What is it that you lack; isn’t this a life worthy of dreams? The very people you wish to count on in times of despair probably find it annoying or worse still amusing to watch your plight. In between the jokes and the remarks oft labelled as fun, a battered soul turns bitter. Sounds familiar?

One day at a time.
Not everyone shall agree.
Not all shall be understood.

The good, bad and ugly
Let them in; one day at a time
The ones that care, hold them tight
And the ones that don’t, push them right
But fight thy battles
One day at a time
Just one day at a time

Cry thy heart out
Scream thy head off
A hand that holds, reach out for one
And fight thy demons
One day at a time
Just one day at a time

Disheartened, are you?
Never you mind
For this too shall pass
Pick what is left
And rage thy wars
One day at a time
Just one day at a time

Victory or defeat
Embrace both,
With hope and with faith
But fight thy fate
One day at a time
Just one day at a time

An apology!

After the promises made
And the friendship claimed
After the assurances rendered
And the affection feigned
Apology, you declare

A day as this was never to come
The monsters were far
The monsters were few
Not to be met again

Had I not set the boundaries wide
And the walls strong?
Battles as these were never to be fought
Not again

Your relentless pursuit
Did I get it wrong?

Protect, my heart had cried in fear
Pretend I did, never to care
A friend someday, proclaimed you
Fight I did, my guilt that rose,
for defense was my only goal
The fight didn’t last,
And the walls all broke
A friend maybe, accept I did

Protect yourself,
my soul stirred again
Ignore I did,
its painful plea

And then came the days
When hate creeped in
Spiteful words were all that stayed
Playful pranks had long gone by
The ghosts of the past had now come to play

When history repeats
The memories flood
With empty words
And bitter lies
The pain and its depth
I wish I could bear

On days like these,
when answers evade,
I ask myself,
was it me?

Ask if I may,
What worth does it hold
This apology rendered
After all that has passed

On nights like these,
when the ghosts come haunt
I ask myself,
have the lessons been learnt?

Among answers none,
I create a space
Never to let another in
Never to let another in


Apologies; I have always found them funny. As if a sorry could undo all that you ever did. How many times have we heard, to forgive is divine. As if. Fool yourself no end; the bitterness of a wrongdoing doesn’t wash away with that one word. One sorry doesn’t take away the pain and the tears that caused it. Then what does?

Well, I don’t know what cleanses the pain that follows a betrayal, a spiteful word or any form of hurt. A un-repenting sorry doesn’t for sure. Time does. Maybe. Some questions don’t come with readymade answers, right? Hence the urge to write. I write when I feel the need to find answers. To questions such as these. Not that I find answers; not always. I write nonetheless. 

Sorry, I caused you pain. Forget all that happened and start afresh. How many times have we said this and heard this! Maybe you do start afresh. Maybe you forgive. But do you forget? The wounds may heal. But the scars stay. Don’t they? Trust once broken; is it ever regained?

Some say time heals. Yes it does. But the lesson stays. In a crooked corner of your mind. Only to resurface when you see a pattern. A pattern that is on the verge of repeating itself. Old habits die hard. Not always; sometimes. We expect it to happen again. And like Rhonda Byrne says, the universe conspires. The inevitable strikes.

Aren’t we all in this constant mode of protecting ourselves from our own mistakes? Building walls in the expectation of a pain that might recur. Deliberately finding patterns from the past. The faces may have changed but the scenes repeat. Weird, ain’t it? Maybe not. We forcefully fit our past into our present. And thus ruin a future that awaits us. 

What if we had gracefully accepted a sorry that was offered to us. And let the mistake go. Easier said than done, of course. We all like control. And to let go is like giving up control. Well, life isn’t fun without its challenges; and giving up control is a challenge. Embracing this change is a battle. Given the warriors that we are, isn’t it a bit unfair to lose a battle without fighting. So maybe, this battle is worth a try.

And to think of the other side, what if we as seekers of forgiveness mend our ways; make a conscious effort to wipe away the hurt that we caused. Acknowledging the mistake doesn’t come easy though. Our inflated egos tell us a thousand times, we did no wrong. Or okay I did something wrong and I said sorry. What worth does that sorry hold if you don’t mean it? Or worse still, repeat it and say sorry again. And then yet again. Sounds familiar? 

Our brains run complex algorithms analyzing patterns of data when a wrong is done to us. And when we do wrong, more often than not, we tilt the scales in our favor. A guilt trip is a rare phenomenon. What if we could reverse the responses?

A rant this was. After a long time. To finding answers!

The green eyed monster!

I am no stranger to you, am I?
I am no stranger, am I?
Oh, the number of times I crawled under your sheets
To haunt you of things that aren’t yours!
To tell you of things that can never be yours!

The green eyed monster
Of course you know!
Remember those days when self-doubt surged as if waves,
Someone has it better, for all you may know
Lo and behold,
I danced my way into your fidgety thoughts

Among emotions many,
They call me the purest

I conquer or I don’t
You succumb or you don’t

So, surrender will you?
I hope you won’t!


I Am!


I scribbled some words
And poems they formed
Random thoughts, you say
Yet depth you see
Amazed, aren’t you?
Say if I may,
You love my poetry, not me

I splattered some colors
An art came to form
A rage of tones, you say
Yet tranquility you see
Fascinated, aren’t you?
Reveal if I may,
You love my creations, not me

Love those arguments
Or the arrogance?
Opinionated you say,
A perspective you see
Amusing, ain’t it?
Disclose if I may,
It wont be long,
And the fun will be gone

Seek me in my poems
Or in my art
Find me in my words
Or in my strength
Search me in my pride
Or in my beliefs
But define me by those
And you shall be wrong

I am my words, yet not
I am my opinions, yet not
I am my art, yet not
I am my conviction, yet not

Knock me on my door
Only if,
Only if you choose to love
To love me beyond
The strength in my words
The charm in my speech
Or the sheen in my talents

Wake me up from my slumber
Only if,
Only if you seek to embrace
The sadness of my soul
The wounds in my heart
And the darkness in my mind

Hold me by your hands
Only if,
Only if you promise to stay
Stay to a day when none of it is true
Stay to a day called eternity
For I am what I am today
Maybe not tomorrow!

Ghosts of the Past!


Just when she thought that the worst was over,
They returned with vengeance
To haunt with memories of a past
That had begun to fade

The ghosts had resurfaced
To remind of mistakes
Mistakes she called lessons
Lessons, she thought she had learnt
Will we see you learn?
They scorned at her
Oh, not in this lifetime,
They sneered in sadistic joy
Her flooded eyes spoke all that she didn’t

This was the last, she promised
Never again, she cried
The walls have been built
This time stronger
This time higher
And yet another time
She took a vow
A vow to protect
The fragile fragments of a broken soul..


Dictionary Series - Politics: independence

Is it the cliched namesake of freedom?
Or this revered sense of self-reliance?
Or an oft praised notion of autonomy?

Break those shackles
And begin thy journey
To a destination called In-dependence!
Or so proclaimed an innocent soul!

But caged, aren’t we?
By the unwritten rules of the world
Oh, the image of perfects in life
Of ideals and virtues centuries old
Change, did you say?
That, my dear, comes at a price
A price that you cringe to pay
So caged we remain
Yet independence we claim

Caged, aren’t we?
In never ending games of our beautiful minds
With fears and frights held on tight
Not good enough, are we?
A little of this
And a little of that
Would have made the grass greener on my side
Independent, did you say?
Trapped in a cellar of defeatist thoughts
Independence we claim

Caged, aren’t we?
In an over-rated pursuit of self-sufficiency
With egos that dismiss reliance on another
Togetherness, the door’s that way
Crumbling self-esteems and fragile emotions
Yet, independence we claim

Wonder I do,
Independent, are we?
Maybe, maybe not!

20 Years Of Magic!

20 years apparently. 20 years since we were inducted into the world of magic at the Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry. A generation that grew up with the likes of Harry, Ron and Hermione today feels happily old. 20 years it has been.


20 years since platform 9 3/4 became a thing to reckon with.
20 years since three young kids started a journey
A journey of undying friendship teaching us lessons many
20 years since magic became a household name

Magic. I have often wondered if magic would have meant the same if it were not for Harry Potter and his entourage. The spells and potions, was that what Hogwarts brought to us? The heroic wars and magical tournaments, was that what J K Rowling intended to give us? Maybe. Maybe not.

Magic for me, was in those characters. The friendships that stood the test of time. The togetherness that no storms could mar. The little tussles. The sweet patch ups. The will to stand up against friends and yet fight for them. To live by the promises made. To choose a path less trodden. 

Unconditional love. Selfless sacrifices. Uncelebrated heroes. Silent companions. Burning insecurities. Numbed pains. Unparalleled loyalties. Magical learnings. Humble beginnings and ecstatic endings. Harry Potter wasn’t really about Harry or his heroics. Harry Potter was about digging out magic in the ordinary. It is a story of triumph; triumph of the ordinary over the extra-ordinary. By virtue of love. 

Years later, I read those books one more time. And fell in love yet again. Fell in love with the innocence of a childhood that believed in magic. Fell in love with words that could heal. Fell in love with unconditional. Yet again.

One may ask, after all this while?

And in memory of a certain Severus Snape, I would say “Always”. 

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